Anna & Emily: A project about cousin-ship.

(Source: pourpouvoir)

I don’t think that I’ve had 5 straight days without crying since the New Year.

It just feels like the right things to do.

I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

Honestly, I think it’s because of this huge project I have due soon. So I might be back, it’s just that, I need to walk away and stop feeling guilty for having an empty, silent blog.

I miss my sweet, darling Emily.

Come back to Tumblr, dearest girl!  Can’t you hear Tumblr’s siren call?!

Alas, she’s deserted us.  Maybe she’ll be back someday.

and shit happens, you’ve got to agree.

But I didn’t have school today, and I might not have it tomorrow, which is more than enough to be thankful for in my book.

I’m thinking about taking a short break from Tumblr. Not for too long, just to… I don’t know, try to sort things out.  

Life is too weird and crippling for me to actually enjoy anything right now.  It’s like if there was a little man that walked around kicking you in the shins every time you tried to go anywhere. 

I don’t know if that was a good simile at all.

I’m thinking it’s like, not.

(See what I did there?)

and my father mistook it for Darth Vader.

It was a little funny.

I received this information directly after learning of a less awful, but equally shattering event that happened between two people at my school.

Both of these pieces of information were shattering one made me begin to mentally rage and be furious and disgusted, and very, extremely sadly, it wasn’t the shooting.

The shooting was awful. The gunman commited suicide, two people beyond him were shot and one died yesterday. This made me feel depressed and amazingly lucky that this hadn’t happened at my school or in my district.

Yet, the other information was still more shocking, though the shooting was ten times more awful. The other felt more personal, and though it didn’t directly affect me, I still felt hurt.

That someone could basically at random take another’s life. That you could walk into a school, a place with children with potential and teacher’s with children, and people with mothers and brothers and sisters and fathers and husbands and wives, and just kill one of them. Shoot at them as though they don’t matter to anyone. And then to take your own life, as though no one cared about you.

I can’t fathom it. 

Now I’m finding it difficult to look at certain people, or people in general, without cringing.

When someone asks you if there’s anything you want to say, and all you can think is: if I had mono, I’d want to give you mono.

In the best way possible.

All I’m saying is, it sounds like a really fun way to get sick.

Oh.

And that moment when you actually say what I just said I was thinking.

Hmmm.

Emily, you’re right.  I don’t pity girls with thick, long, straight hair. haha

So, I get to see you tomorrow.  That’s very exciting.  We’re about to go buy stocking stuffers, and then I have to finish packing.  

I hope I can get a lot for my book report read in the car tomorrow.  I started reading Till We Have Faces, but it hasn’t really hooked me yet, so I think I’ll have to make myself do it.

I’m really, really happy that I get to see everyone tomorrow, but I’m not so excited about the 9 hr car ride, you know?  Anyway, I’ll confess, I didn’t draw your name this year, as much as I wish I had. I like shopping for you.  GAH, why am I so tired?  I’m really, really tired.

I’m on good terms with Garrett again.  Nothing like, getting back together is happening though, so I’m just not worrying about that for now.  I don’t think either one of us knows what we want or what we’re doing, so I guess we’re playing it by ear and being friends with occasionally awkward moments.  Sometimes it’s still really, really hard that he’s not mine, though.  Oh well.  We’ll see where this goes.

My life is strange.  

I love you, I miss you, I’ll see you tomorrow!

Goodbye, sweet girl!